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Dyke City, USA

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Epiphanies Oct. 19th, 2005 @ 04:27 pm
lividlesbian


There was a time when I lived my life for everyone but myself. My family is hardcore southern baptist and there's no way in hell MY mother could have a gay child. So, I hid behind long bouts of celibacy and very, very short term relationships with men to please said family. Time passed and I grew older... and more and more bitter at the way my life was unfolding. I became so depressed at one point in time I actually considered ending it permanently. I closeted myself in my apartment, didnt show up for work, didnt answer the phone or the door... in short, I excommunicated myself from everyone and everything I knew in an attempt to reclaim the sanity I was tenuously holding onto.

When my grandmother died two years ago I missed her dearly. When my favourite uncle died two months later I was shocked and grief-stricken but when my favourite cousin, who was only 48 years old, died a month later I came unglued. I was 44 years old. I had been holding onto something that meant absolutely nothing to me. I was holding onto a web of lies that I had carefully woven, myself. I realized suddenly that none of us know when the end will come. For me, the epiphany came when I asked myself, "When my times comes, will I be able to stand up straight, shoulders back and look God smartly in the eye, proud of the life I had lived?" The answer was a resounding NO.

I came out a month later. The weight that was lifted from my shoulders was... well... there's no way to describe what it felt like, but all of a sudden I was alive. For the first time in my life I was alive and happy and, while I was sorry my confession hurt my family, I was not going to hide or be someone I wasnt another day.

This epiphany saved my life. Is that why we have them? Ive had many over the years and each has been as profound as the one before but none as great as this one. I was dying and... now... Im not.

M.


PDAs Sep. 20th, 2005 @ 09:24 am
lividlesbian


**comes in mumbling about how nobody ever seems to get their finger out of their ass long enough to do a post on this silly ass journal and realizes self is guilty of same. rectifying matter.**

PDAs
Public Displays of Affection

For 'em?
Against 'em?

Me? Im ALL for them. My girlfriend? Against. *sigh* How did I manage to fall in love with a girl who is afraid to show affection in public???

Excerpt from last conversation on the subject:
Me: If I were a guy, would it be ok then?
Her: Yep
Me: Why?
Her: Cuz society accepts PDAs between men and women.
Me: So what? Im not worried about what the neighbors (or grocers or gas station attendants, etc.) accept.
Her: *sighs* Just drop it ok? I love you. You love me. We have a happy home. Why do we have to flaunt ourselves in public? *smiles and pats me on head and goes back to balancing the checkbook. conversation over*


**frustrated**


Jun. 20th, 2005 @ 04:09 pm
lividlesbian





Houston Gay Pride Parade





Saturday June 25, 2005
Come celebrate our diversity!


DYKE Jun. 16th, 2005 @ 03:43 pm
lividlesbian


As quoted by the American Heritage Dictionary (fourth edition):

dyke n. Offensive Slang
Used as a disparaging term for a lesbian.

dyke
noun. Offensive term for a lesbian who is noticeably masculine [syn: butch, dike]


Hmm... disparaging and offensive term for a [butch/masculine] lesbian. Well. If that doesnt just piss me off.


Twas the Night Before Christmas Dec. 7th, 2004 @ 10:00 am
livinglesbian


This poem was written by a marine stationed in Okinawa, Japan. The following is his request. It is more than reasonable.

PLEASE. Would you show the kind favor of sending this to as many People as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and much credit is due to the Service men and women from around the globe, who fight for freedom, for being able to celebrate these festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay back a bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us. Please do your small part to plant this small
seed.

A prayer for them all would be nice. Light a candle for them on Christmas Day.


--------------------------------------------------------------------


Twas the night before Christmas,
He lived all alone,
In a one bedroom house,
Made of plaster and stone.

I had come down the chimney,
With presents to give, And to see just who,
In this home, did live.

I looked all about,
A strange sight I did see,
No tinsel, no presents,
Not even a tree.

No stockings by mantle,
Just boots filled with sand,
On the wall hung pictures,
Of far distant lands.

With medals and badges,
Awards of all kinds,
A somber thought,
Came through in my mind.

For this house was different,
It was dark and dreary,
I found the home of a soldier,
Once I could clearly see.

The soldier lay sleeping,
Silent, alone,
Curled up on the floor,
In this one bedroom home.

The face was so gentle,
The room in such disorder,
Not how I pictured,
A United States soldier.

Was this the hero,
Of whom I just read?
Curled up on a poncho,
The floor for a bed?

I realized the families,
That I saw this night,
Owed their lives to these soldiers,
Who were willing to fight.

Soon round the world,
The children would play,
And grownups would celebrate,
A bright Christmas Day.

They all enjoyed freedom,
Each month of the year,
Because of the soldiers,
Like this one lying here.

I couldn't help wondering,
How many lay alone,
On a cold Christmas eve,
In a land far from home.

The very thought had,
Brought a tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees,
And started to cry.

The soldier awoke,
And I heard a rough voice,
Santa don?t cry,
This life is my choice.

I fight for freedom,
I don't ask for more,
My life is my God.
My country, my corps.

The soldier rolled over,
And drifted to sleep,
I couldn?t control it,
I continued to weep.

I kept watch for hours,
So silent and still,
And we both shivered that night,
From the cold night's chill.

I didn't want to leave,
On that cold, dark night,
This guardian of honor,
So willing to fight.

Then the soldier rolled over,
With a voice soft and pure,
Whispered "carry on Santa,
It's Christmas Day, all is secure."

One look at my watch,
And I knew he was right,
Merry Christmas my friend,
And to all a good night."


lesbian/ queer sex and sexuality survey Nov. 1st, 2004 @ 02:36 pm
antiochsmith
lesbian/ queer sex and sexuality survey

The first national qualitative study and survey in the
united states on and about lesbian/ queer sex and
sexuality. Based off the Kinsey reports. please take
the survey with the following link and pass along to
others, the more responses that we get the better and
more accurate the results.
We look forward to hearing from you

http://fc.antioch.edu/~tsmall@antioch-college.edu/
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